At that stop sign is where it all started…the place where life hit and hit hard. As I pulled into our neighborhood after work on December 18th of 2012; seeing Amyia outside with her friends was cool. Usually, I would ask her if her homework was completed before she decided to go outside with her friends. But, this was different. It was the week before Christmas break and I was going to encourage her to stay outside; have fun and be social but when I stopped the car I never knew that the unimaginable would occur.
We lost Amyia only a couple of hours after I stopped at that stop sign. The chaos that occurred for only a few hours was immeasurable. After calling the EMT’s, they rushed her to the hospital after a severe asthma attack turned fatal. I rode in the ambulance with her, praying for a miracle and still holding on to hope.
Even though I prayed and had prayed hard, my miracle didn’t come on this side of eternity and for me all hope was lost. Later that evening just before midnight my husband, brother and I arrived back home having to stop at the exact same stop sign but this time without Amyia.
From that point on I did not I believe I would survive this lost; my worst nightmare had just became a reality and the gift that I believed God had sent as Amyia was now gone.
I was lost, confused and frankly very pissed off. The night turned into the next day. Although, I wanted every thing and every one to stop so I could have my time to grieve; it wouldn’t. Family and friends began to arrive and now we had to plan for our child’s funeral. After the funeral I was expected to just go with my life. I still needed to work, bills still needed to be paid and our son, Christian, needed a mother. But day after day I felt less and less like myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. The tears flowed down my face by the minute and every song on the radio reminded me of her.
I was drowning in my grief and there was no life preserver and the enemy was beginning to speak. Day after day, the “never ever” lies would begin. “Its never going to get better”. “You will always feel this way” and the worse one “if God really loved you….why would he take your child”.
I was crushed! Broken and ready to take myself out and yes I mean I was ready to die. The pain had become so severe that I didn’t want live anymore. But here is what happened, alone and by myself I thought of the plan to take my life but I paused…I remembered my foundation which was God. And, although I felt like He had left me I called on the Son’s name “Jesus!!…if you are here…help me”.
In that moment I thought of my son, Christian was only a little over a year old and he still needed his mother, I thought about my husband, my mother, my step dad and everyone that I loved began to pour into my mind, I then realized that this was bigger than me. So, I took the focus off of myself and aborted the plan to end my life.
Seven years later, I was asked to share my story and Amyia’s legacy with an educational organization. It was in that moment where I looked back over my life (as I break out into song) and said, “I survived”, “I made it” and “God, you did this”. If I would’ve believed the never ever lies the story would not be told and the encouragement through our own journey would not be given.
As I sit here and write this I reflect on the story in the bible of the woman at the well. The story can be dissected in so many different ways but here is what I received from it, Jesus meeting her where she was…mess and all. And, that is exactly what He did with me; my life was messy, dark and lonely and He met me in that place. I didn’t have to clean up before He arrived, He was right there in it with me.
Amyia’s Legacy continues lives on…these are the photos from the tree planted in Amyia’s name as well as the garden dedicated to her at her middle school. What’s so beautiful about this, is this vision was pulled together by a student who did not know Amyia personally but he was inspired by her and what she meant to people and for generations to come there will be students who will find rest and shade From Amyia.
As God’s chosen people we all have a special assignment, a mission to accomplish, and a call to a divine purpose which is to bring honor and glory to His name. God designed us for a specific calling, however, due to a lack of belief in ourselves or our current circumstances we place more trust in the “world” than in God’s word. The heavy burdens of our mistakes, the label of statistics and stereotypes, and worse the powerful detrimental words spoken over our lives from other people carries more weight and authority over who we were originally created to be.
Throughout my life I have fallen short so many times and completely missed the mark. I allowed my fear and insecurity to hinder me from becoming the woman God originally created me to be, I also allowed the words of others to hold me back as well. Instead of trusting in the vision that was placed in my heart, I bowed down to other people’s thoughts for my life. However, what I have begun to realize is that usually ideas, visions and missions from God don’t make sense, and in order to make sure that His mission is accomplished we have to have “crazy faith” to walk through the doors that He opens.
God picked a woman who had a baby at fourteen for a divine purpose. It is not my place to ask why or to say, God I think you chose the wrong person, pick someone else? He wanted me and because we serve a God who does not favor person, He chose you too. What is it that He is asking you to do? Or what is He asking you to become?
The people who saw me at fourteen and pregnant could only see a statistic, they placed me in a box and labeled me everything but who God said that I was, all they saw was my circumstances but God saw beyond that, because He is the author and the finisher. Being fourteen and pregnant was not easy on myself or my family however, I believed I was called to more than my current circumstances and the labels which were placed upon me. I desired more for my daughter and myself and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that higher was calling. When no one else saw my worth and my gifts God did. The desires He placed in my heart to show and prove that no matter the circumstances and obstacles I faced I could overcome anything.
No matter what you have faced in your life you are an overcomer, but it takes faith and perseverance to fulfill the purpose God has for your life. We are meant to be vessels for the Kingdom of God and to demonstrate to others that no matter what the current circumstances higher is calling, even when we make poor decisions God can turn the decision around to work it out for our good. Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose, KJV.
If God has placed a desire in your heart and He is calling you to come to a higher place; take the call. The road is long and hard at times, but the results are always worth it. People may not be able to see your purpose but if you have a desire, if you can see yourself executing those goals and dreams then it doesn’t matter what other people may think. Your steps are ordered by His grace not anyone’s opinion. He has the highest authority; He can influence anyone to see your divine light, and He can send anyone to help you as well as open the doors to your destiny. Despite who your parents are, the lack of love you had, your zip code, the trials you have faced or the suffering you have endured, the simple words are: “But God”. There is nothing in this world stronger than the power of God, and there is no one in this world who has higher authority than Him. He loves you, despite what you may think or feel, and the plans that He has for your life is greater than you can imagine or dream of. Therefore, take the steps of faith and move toward the purpose He placed within you. decide today, to no longer stay stuck in the cycle of fear, disappointment or worry. Allow me to end with this question, is there anything too hard for God?