​Grief is a deeply painful and personal life experience. When you experience a loss, we experience various complex emotions and traumas. However, like any painful life experience, we can undergo healing and personal growth if we make the decision to journey through the loss. In this blog, I will provide 7 key strategies to help you overcome the impact of grief and grow personally.
 
Strategy #1. Allowing Yourself to Grieve: Acknowledge your emotions and understand that grief is a natural response to loss. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, and other emotions.
 
Strategy #2. Seeking Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support. Talking about your feelings can help you process them.
 
Strategy #3. Self-Care: Prioritize self-care to maintain your physical and emotional well-being. This includes getting enough rest, eating healthily, and engaging in activities you enjoy.
 
Strategy #4. Honoring Memories: Celebrate the life and memories of the person you've lost through rituals or creating a memorial that's meaningful to you.
 
Startegy #5. Acceptance: Over time, work toward accepting the reality of your loss. This doesn't mean forgetting, but rather finding a way to assimilate the loss into your life.
 
Strategy #6. Personal Growth: Grief can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of yourself. It can prompt you to reassess priorities, values, and life goals.
 
Strategy #7. Time and Patience: Healing from grief is not linear, and there's no fixed timeline. Be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally.
 
Remember that everyone's grief journey is unique, and it's okay to seek professional help if you're struggling to cope. Healing and growth are possible, even in the midst of profound loss.

​Procrastination is a thief that steals from your destiny and causes you to miss out on divine opportunities and appointments. Stop putting off for tomorrow what you can accomplish today. -Bishop Rosie S. O’Neal

I have struggled with the behavioral pattern of procrastination for most of my life. I have put off completing projects, tasks, and goals, assuming that by delaying them, I would naively get to them tomorrow. However, when tomorrow would arrive, I repeated the same pattern: tomorrow would be next week, next week would be next month, and next month would be another year. After putting my goals and tasks off for so long, I would experience guilt, regret, and sorrow, lamenting over what I could've done differently.  I would then promise myself in the new year that I would accomplish my goals. But not long after, the new year would begin, and I would return to my old habits and repeat the same cycle. I grew tired of this unhealthy behavioral pattern at the beginning of this year. I no longer wanted to identify myself with this unhealthy pattern of behavior. I set out to improve by discovering why I allowed procrastination to rob me of accomplishing my purpose. But this time, I needed to create a strategy and develop a plan to help me break the cycle of procrastination. 

First, I had to be vulnerable and open to different perspectives to help overcome the heavy weight of procrastination. Before I begin to unpack why I procrastinate, I want to define the word. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, procrastination is putting off intentionally and habitually or something I know should be done.  After taking the time to understand the meaning,  I uncovered four culprits: (1) Fear of criticism, (2) Fear of success, (3) A lack of discipline, and (4) The desire for perfectionism. Let's unpack the meaning of each, and I'll later explain my plan to overcome them.

#1 Fear of Criticism. Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25 NIV

Admitting this was difficult, but I feared people’s criticism, what they thought of me, and possible ridicule. As I discovered my why, I began to understand that I was more concerned about what other people thought and said about me than what God said about me. While talking with a friend, I was transparent and vulnerable about why I was stalling on my second book. My friend listened to me but gave me some great words of wisdom. They informed me that people working on their gifts have no time to criticize or gossip about others. It's the people who are not contributing to their purpose who have the time to talk about others. Being worried or concerned about what other people will say only hurts me and those connected to the mission and my assignment. My fear of others was a snare, delaying me from completing my assignment.  


#2 & #3 Fear of Success and a Lack of Discipline  
“Discipline is training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior.” 
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I also discovered that I feared success due to a lack of discipline. If I succeed, I must put all my efforts into doing good work and excelling, which requires changing and developing the discipline. Though I respect structure and organization, I want to do what I want. And at times, all I want to do is binge-watch a Netflix series or mindlessly scroll through social media. I don't want to spend my weekends or evenings planning better ways of being effective in business or developing habits to be more productive. But, in the long run, binge-watching a Netflix series doesn't push the mission forward, and by delaying tasks, I add to my current workload, which adds more stress to my day. 

#4 I desired perfectionism. Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. Ecclesiastes 11:4 NIV

Whenever I create, I prefer to have things in a particular way. I don't want to feel fear when I start. I want everthing to be in the right spirit and to have an atmosphere set up for success, with minimal disruptions or distractions. That’s not how life works, sometimes, I have to do it afraid, and walk into purpose despite the feeling of fear. I may have an occasion where everything is how I perfer it, but the chances of that occurring are slim to none.  There is no such thing as a perfect time, and standing still delays me even further. I had to accept that there would be inconveniences. One day, I listened to a Youtube video from Myron Golden, and he said disruption always follows intention. He explained that when we set our intention to do something, disruption will always follow. That’s why watching the wind and waiting for situations and circumstances to be perfect is a waste of time. 


Overcoming Procrastination
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. 
Ecclesiastes 9:10 NIV

To overcome procrastination, I discovered the need to create a strategy to assist with creating new habits. To start, I looked up the antonyms for procrastination and found eagerness, determination, certainty, and confidence, to name a few. These four words are the words I actively need to use in place of procrastination. Instead of saying I am a procrastinator, I begin by replacing words like I am eager, determined, certain, and confident. I was ready to accept that God did not create me to tie my identity to a bad habit. 

The next strategy is action. I must create a purposeful working atmosphere and remember that this is only a season. Writing a book, marketing the book, and creating content and tools are hard. However, it's only for a season. Finally, I created a strategy for support. I don't like sharing my struggles with others; however, I wouldn't have gotten that great advice if I hadn't been vulnerable with my friend. My tribe is not only there for support but also accountability. Because I've struggled to overcome this behavioral pattern for so long, I need a group of people to ensure I stay on track. 

Procrastination can be a habit that leaves us stagnant and stuck and only adds to the long list of tasks we already have to do. Though it can be a difficult habit to break, it's not impossible, and by understanding why we procrastinate, we can create strategies and new practices to overcome it. In time, we will witness tremendous growth and improvement that will develop our character. Let's start to move out of the habit of saying:  “I'll do it later,” to actively saying, “I'm going to do this now."
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At that stop sign is where it all started…the place where life hit and hit hard. As I pulled into our neighborhood after work on December 18th of 2012; seeing Amyia outside with her friends was cool. Usually, I would ask her if her homework was completed before she decided to go outside with her friends. But, this was different. It was the week before Christmas break and I was going to encourage her to stay outside; have fun and be social but when I stopped the car I never knew that the unimaginable would occur.
We lost Amyia only a couple of hours after I stopped at that stop sign. The chaos that occurred for only a few hours was immeasurable. After calling the EMT’s, they rushed her to the hospital after a severe asthma attack turned fatal. I rode in the ambulance with her, praying for a miracle and still holding on to hope.
Even though I prayed and had prayed hard, my miracle didn’t come on this side of eternity and for me all hope was lost. Later that evening just before midnight my husband, brother and I arrived back home having to stop at the exact same stop sign but this time without Amyia.
From that point on I did not I believe I would survive this lost; my worst nightmare had just became a reality and the gift that I believed God had sent as Amyia was now gone.

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I was lost, confused and frankly very pissed off. The night turned into the next day. Although, I wanted every thing and every one to stop so I could have my time to grieve; it wouldn’t. Family and friends began to arrive and now we had to plan for our child’s funeral. After the funeral I was expected to just go with my life. I still needed to work, bills still needed to be paid and our son, Christian, needed a mother. But day after day I felt less and less like myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. The tears flowed down my face by the minute and every song on the radio reminded me of her.
I was drowning in my grief and there was no life preserver and the enemy was beginning to speak. Day after day, the “never ever” lies would begin. “Its never going to get better”. “You will always feel this way” and the worse one “if God really loved you….why would he take your child”.
I was crushed! Broken and ready to take myself out and yes I mean I was ready to die. The pain had become so severe that I didn’t want live anymore. But here is what happened, alone and by myself I thought of the plan to take my life but I paused…I remembered my foundation which was God. And, although I felt like He had left me I called on the Son’s name “Jesus!!…if you are here…help me”.
In that moment I thought of my son, Christian was only a little over a year old and he still needed his mother, I thought about my husband, my mother, my step dad and everyone that I loved began to pour into my mind, I then realized that this was bigger than me. So, I took the focus off of myself and aborted the plan to end my life.
Seven years later, I was asked to share my story and Amyia’s legacy with an educational organization. It was in that moment where I looked back over my life (as I break out into song) and said, “I survived”, “I made it” and “God, you did this”. If I would’ve believed the never ever lies the story would not be told and the encouragement through our own journey would not be given.
As I sit here and write this I reflect on the story in the bible of the woman at the well. The story can be dissected in so many different ways but here is what I received from it, Jesus meeting her where she was…mess and all. And, that is exactly what He did with me; my life was messy, dark and lonely and He met me in that place. I didn’t have to clean up before He arrived, He was right there in it with me.
Amyia’s Legacy continues lives on…these are the photos from the tree planted in Amyia’s name as well as the garden dedicated to her at her middle school. What’s so beautiful about this, is this vision was pulled together by a student who did not know Amyia personally but he was inspired by her and what she meant to people and for generations to come there will be students who will find rest and shade From Amyia.

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As God’s chosen people we all have a special assignment, a mission to accomplish, and a call to a divine purpose which is to bring honor and glory to His name. God designed us for a specific calling, however, due to a lack of belief in ourselves or our current circumstances we place more trust in the “world” than in God’s word. The heavy burdens of our mistakes, the label of statistics and stereotypes, and worse the powerful detrimental words spoken over our lives from other people carries more weight and authority over who we were originally created to be.
Throughout my life I have fallen short so many times and completely missed the mark. I allowed my fear and insecurity to hinder me from becoming the woman God originally created me to be, I also allowed the words of others to hold me back as well. Instead of trusting in the vision that was placed in my heart, I bowed down to other people’s thoughts for my life. However, what I have begun to realize is that usually ideas, visions and missions from God don’t make sense, and in order to make sure that His mission is accomplished we have to have “crazy faith” to walk through the doors that He opens.
God picked a woman who had a baby at fourteen for a divine purpose. It is not my place to ask why or to say, God I think you chose the wrong person, pick someone else? He wanted me and because we serve a God who does not favor person, He chose you too. What is it that He is asking you to do? Or what is He asking you to become?
The people who saw me at fourteen and pregnant could only see a statistic, they placed me in a box and labeled me everything but who God said that I was, all they saw was my circumstances but God saw beyond that, because He is the author and the finisher. Being fourteen and pregnant was not easy on myself or my family however, I believed I was called to more than my current circumstances and the labels which were placed upon me. I desired more for my daughter and myself and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that higher was calling. When no one else saw my worth and my gifts God did. The desires He placed in my heart to show and prove that no matter the circumstances and obstacles I faced I could overcome anything.
No matter what you have faced in your life you are an overcomer, but it takes faith and perseverance to fulfill the purpose God has for your life. We are meant to be vessels for the Kingdom of God and to demonstrate to others that no matter what the current circumstances higher is calling, even when we make poor decisions God can turn the decision around to work it out for our good. Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose, KJV.
If God has placed a desire in your heart and He is calling you to come to a higher place; take the call. The road is long and hard at times, but the results are always worth it. People may not be able to see your purpose but if you have a desire, if you can see yourself executing those goals and dreams then it doesn’t matter what other people may think. Your steps are ordered by His grace not anyone’s opinion. He has the highest authority; He can influence anyone to see your divine light, and He can send anyone to help you as well as open the doors to your destiny.  Despite who your parents are, the lack of love you had, your zip code, the trials you have faced or the suffering you have endured, the simple words are: “But God”. There is nothing in this world stronger than the power of God, and there is no one in this world who has higher authority than Him. He loves you, despite what you may think or feel, and the plans that He has for your life is greater than you can imagine or dream of. Therefore, take the steps of faith and move toward the purpose He placed within you. decide today, to no longer stay stuck in the cycle of fear, disappointment or worry. Allow me to end with this question, is there anything too hard for God?

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